Forced to break the law…

I really don’t know how to explain it without writing a book. I’m going to do the best I can to recap my last 4 months. I must warn you right away, you will not believe me. I only ask one thing from those that read this, please like, share, re-post or whatever you can do to spread my story. My story is only derived from documented facts and from my point of view. This is a battle I have been fighting for three years and these are just the last four months:

  • 10-20-2018 – Walgreen’s IncidentPharmacist calls me at 5:15pm to verify refills. I got to Walgreens at 5:59pm, 1 minute before the pharmacy closes. The pharmacy was closed, and the pharmacist was standing in front of the cooler without her uniform on. I asked the manager why the pharmacist closed early, she told me that she closed at 6pm. I told the manager to check the cameras, because she was out of uniform, shopping in front of the cooler at 5:59. I was already on really thin ice with my fuel budget and wouldn’t be able to get back to the pharmacy for 12 days. They ended up giving me three options; have my prescription transferred to a 24 hr location(no gas money to get there and back or anyone on the clock in the pharmacy to transfer the prescription), come back the following day(out of money until 11/2 so no gas or bus money) or stick around asking for my heart medication and deal with the police(yes the police were called because I complained about the pharmacy closing early. I guess I was the only one that understood that this was a life or death situation).
  • 10-30-2018 – SS HearingI applied for SSDI and SSI early in March of 2017. I was denied twice and requested a hearing after the 2nd denial in November of 2017. I was granted this hearing date 10-30-2018 and was going to do everything in my power to get to my appointment. Especially after waiting almost 2 years without being able to provide for myself. I drove to the train station, took a train to the city and hiked up steep hills to make my appointment(it took me almost 40 minutes to hike 7 blocks). It took me 6 days to physically recover from this trip.
  • 11-2-2018 – Got MedicationI finally was able to pick up my two heart medications from a different pharmacy.
  • 11-3-2018 – Chest PainsThrough out the day I was having chest pains. It would squeeze and tighten before a nice calm re-leaved easy to breath feeling.
  • 11-4-2018 Ambulance to Emergency RoomIt was pretty late at night when I called 911. I was out in the studio doing some work and just couldn’t take the pain any more. In my head I was a little upset that the flashing red lights was going to wake somebody up on a work/school night. The fire department thought I should go to the hospital so I went. I got hooked up to all kinds of machines that liked to beep(awful when you have the opposite of hearing loss, hyperacusis). One sec, I want to quote my release papers. My diagnoses at release was “Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease with Esophagitis”. The emergency room doctor wrote me a prescription for Omeprazole(Prilosec) even though he knew I was already taking this medication. You know that part where they say, “Did you have any questions?”. I asked him how continuing to take the same medication at the same dose that I have been taking for the last two years was going to help me. While I am asking this question I am nearly in tears from the chest pain I was feeling while in the doctor’s presence. I left the hospital and went straight home since I already had a month’s supply of this medication at home.
  • 11-13-2018 – Severe Chest PainAt mid afternoon I started getting chest pains like before, but stronger. I got so bad through the night that I start looking all over for tums, rolaids, gas-ex or anything to fight this gastrointestinal whatever. It was so bad at one point through the night that I turned my light on and opened my door in case I needed to yell for help.
  • 11-14-2018 – Ambulance to Emergency RoomI ate two Pepside AC and 2 gas-X at about 7am. I was scared, but I didn’t want to pull a first res-ponder from an accident because my gastro whatever was bothering me. I’d rather they help the people that are bleeding first I thought, so I waited until after rush hour to call 911. At like 10-10:30 I called 911 and the same crew came out that took me the last time. I let them know what happened and they took me back to the hospital. This time they actually ran some tests on my heart. I got a cardiogram or something, where they stick a video camera up through veins to see your heart. This doctor showed me the monitor and I saw the front third of my heart not moving and the front artery was 100% blocked. That is when it hit me, that I was having another heart attack. Just as quick as they woke me up, I was back asleep. The doctor’s cleared the artery and had to put a stint in to try to let my heart heal. I woke up later that night.
  • 11-16-2018 – Released from HospitalWhen I was released from the hospital I was told that I would get a call to get a new PCP and one to setup a follow up appointment with my heart doctor in 3-4 weeks.
  • 11-19-2018 – Appointment with new PCPLong story short, I fired my last PCP after a year of care. I left his care in worse condition than when I left him before Christmas 2017. I didn’t have the resources to tackle my mental and physical well being on $97 a month from DSHS. After discovering that my heart condition was worse than was first thought, I found a new PCP and had my first appointment with him. He seemed nice and knowledgeable and told me that he had access to my records. I had brought all the medications I was taking with me for his records. I also asked him about establishing the refills for the new heart medications I was taking(six new medications after heart attacks). He told me that my heart doctor would give me the refills for that, and that I had a couple of refills on them so I shouldn’t worry. We made a plan to meet up in a month and I went home
  • 12-18-2019 – Tobacco FreeThis day was my first day without cigarettes.  I rarely smoked a pack a week and decided to give it up per doctor recommendations.
  • 12-19-2019 – 2nd Appointment with PCPI brought a few concerns with me to my next appointment. I first let my PCP know that I still haven’t heard from my heart doctor and it has been over 4 weeks since I was discharged. He looked up my chart and saw that my release papers said to follow up in 3-4 weeks so he put in an order/referral for the follow up appointment. The next thing we talked about was heart health stuff. We ended the appointment talking about my chronic pain. He told me that he reviewed my imaging and there was nothing he could do. My back and neck haven’t been injured enough for the insurance to fix them. I ask for clarification. Right now they could fix the root of my pain, possibly increasing the longevity of my back, and he wanted me to wait until I’m injured worse so they could do a partial recovery. I’ve learned over the last three years, when a doctor says they can’t help you, they are really saying they don’t want to help you.
  • 1-16-2019 – No food benefitsDue to the government I did not receive my food benefits for January.  I put a halt to all spending because I didn’t know how long the shutdown was going to last.
  • 1-25-2019 – DSHS MailI received a letter from DSHS late in the evening of the 25th.  The letter was telling me that it was the third and final notice about an interview to continue to receive benefits.  I was pretty sure when I updated my address with SSA I also called and changed my mailing address with DSHS.  I was past the deadline to respond and it was the weekend during a government shutdown.  The last three years have basically been a bad story that never ends.
  • 1-28-2019 – Called DSHSI hate to be the bearer of bad news but I called DSHS on Monday to talk to someone about what happened.  The lady I spoke with let me know my social worker would be calling me back.  To my surprise, my actual social worker is the person that called me.  This will be my 3rd ever conversation with her and the first 2 didn’t go so well.  The first two times we spoke she seemed angry with me for disturbing her with my questions(this is the first time I have ever had benefits).  Here we go again I thought as she laied into me like I was stupid or something.  It all your fault and you are going to need to re-apply for benefits she tells me.
  • 2-4-2019 – Food Benefits restoredThe government shutdown ended and My food benefits were finally paid to me 19 days late.  I don’t have credit cards or a savings account to fall back on.  So when the food money turns off, so does the food.
  • 2-11-2019 – Called Walgreen’s for refillsTwo more months goes by and I call the pharmacy to order my refills. I told that they will be ready before 11am.
  • 2-12-2019 – Went to Walgreen’sThe registration expired on my vehicle in April of 2018(almost two years ago), so I only drive when it is for a doctor appointment of to pickup prescriptions. When I do drive I try to drive at night so I left to get my medicine at 7pm. I got to the pharmacy and was told that none of my prescriptions were ready. The lady told me that they were still waiting to hear from the doctor. I asked her why she had to contact my doctor and she told me that there were no more refill on my prescriptions. She need the doctors authorization to fill them. I only have two days left of my medicine, so she suggested that I call my doctor to see what was going on.
  • 2-13-2019 – Called DoctorsThe first call I made was to my heart doctor. From the automated menu I chose the option for refilling medication. This option didn’t let me talk to a person, so I went back to the main menu and chose the option to setup an appointment.I needed to setup an appointment anyways since it had been 3 months with out them ever calling me to make an appointment. A grumpy old lady answered the phone and I told her that I needed to make an appointment. She asked me for my information so I gave her my details. After a moment she asks me why I thought I needed an appointment. My blood started to boil. I told her that I had a couple of heart attacks last November and that the doctor that put my stint in asked me to follow up in 3-4 weeks. I then told her that their office was supposed to be calling me to setup the appointment but never have. She tells me her computer doesn’t say I needed an appointment. I was too angry to argue, so I let her know that my PCP put in an order/referral for this follow up back in December and still didn’t call me. This lady then tells me that they get over 400 referrals a day and don’t have the time to call everyone to setup the appointment. I asked her why did they tell me they were gonna call my when I was discharged. All she wanted to do was argue with me. She finally got me an appointment and asked if there was anything else. I asked her about talking with the doctor so I could get them refilled. She told me that because I was a new patient that he couldn’t write me prescriptions without seeing me. I explained that I wasn’t a new patient and that he put a stint in my heart 3 months ago. This is not a new patient. She ended the call telling me that my doctor would not help me and to try calling the doctor from the ER that wrote the prescriptions. My next call was to the hospital to speak with the ER doctor. Well, at least I tried. I called the main number for the hospital because I didn’t have the number for ER doctors. The receptionist answered and I asked to be transferred to my ER doctor. She asks what it is re-guarding so I told her the details. She doesn’t transfer me, instead she tells me that my ER doctor won’t help me. I then explained the situation and she suggested that I call the heart doctor that put the stint in. As clouds of smoke billow out of my ears, I asked her why she thought that calling the people back that told me to call my ER doctor would help. You could almost she her shrug her shoulders through the phone when she said, sorry but I can’t help you.
  • 2-13-2019 – Stopped Eating I ended my day with a severe anxiety attack. There was no way I was gonna call 911 though. There was no way in hell I could go to the hospital without stabbing someone. When I tried eating something, I got sick to my stomach. I don’t ever want to throw up ever again(since I threw up for 3 1/2 months in 2016). So I chose to not eat until I could do it without getting sick.
  • 2-14-2019 – Called Insurance, DOH, Sound Crisis, Walgreen’s, Hospital, Hospital Crisis, Doctor’sI called my insurance to see if there were other options. They basically told me that they couldn’t call my doctor and force him to write you prescriptions. I thought great, another person that doesn’t listen to a word I say. I reminded her that is wasn’t the doctors telling me no medications, it was the doctor’s receptionists preventing me from talking to my doctors. My doctors don’t even know I’m out of my life saving medications. The only thing I can think of at this point is they hear “I need to talk to my doctor about my medications”, and they think I’m trying to get pain medications and the opioid epidemic. Well doctor’s haven’t prescribed me anything for my pain since 2017. The stuff they prescribed didn’t work so I quit taking them. My insurance offered to try to get me another doctor. I told her I didn’t have the money to drive to another doctor appointment and that even if I did, I would run out of my medicine tomorrow. I’ve been doing the math. Last time I ran out of my heart medicine I had two heart attacks. I’ll be dammed if I let a receptionist threaten my life because she doesn’t want to let me talk to my doctor. I’m pissed, scared and am locked in fight or flight mode. I called the DOH(Department of Health) to see if I could file a complaint. I crawled around in their menu system for almost 10 minutes without being able to talk to a person or knowing what department to ask for so I gave up on that option. There is nobody else that I know to call. I feel like a bobble head, wondering when I was going to wake up from this nightmare. Death by heart attack because receptionist won’t let patient speak with his doctor in an emergency was my future. My next call was to the crisis line at Sound. The lady asked me why I was calling, so I gave her a brief explanation. She then explains to me that this was the crisis/suicide line and that I had the wrong number. What the hell is going on, I thought. I’m even getting rejected from the suicide hotline. Fortunately for me this made me so mad I forgot about harming myself. I called my pharmacy to see if they had better success reaching my doctor. They still hadn’t heard anything so I called the hospital again. First I tried to reach their administration and failed. My next try was to the hospitals crisis line. When I hit the option for the crisis line, I was transferred to the emergency room. The lady that answered says what is your emergency. I replied that I was trying to reach the crisis line and got transferred to the info desk. From the info desk I was transferred back to the ER. I hung up wondering if anyone at the hospital knows how to do their damn job. I tried one more time to reach the crisis line only to let it ring 18 times before I hung up. That is now rejection from 2 different crisis lines. I tried to call my heart doctor again and this time the receptionist hung up on me when I asked to speak with my doctor. For someone that is constantly dealing with a MDD(massive depressive disorder) and many other mental health issues, this was more than overwhelming.
  • 2-14-2019 – Sound Called meAt a little after 4pm, my counselor called me to see what was going on. He asked about my call to the crisis line, so I told him what happened. His response was one that I hear a few times a week, sorry about that, I don’t know what happened. We talked for about 30+ minutes before going our separate ways. I was completely worn out and tired, yet I was so mad that I didn’t really sleep. I knew that if I didn’t get my medicine tomorrow I was out and that meant heart attack. It was time to up my game I thought. Stay alive, do something stupid and go to jail to get medicine, or let them win I die of a heart attack. Seems like those were my only two options left.  I might have fallen asleep around 7am.
  • 2-15-2019 – Drove to HospitalI woke up a little after 1pm and knew exactly what I had to do.  I needed to show up unannounced at my heart doctor’s office.  It occurred to me that they can’t hang up on me in person.  It’s unfortunate for the other patients in their office, that they have to see in person what a man will do to stay alive.  I walked in to their reception area and a lady asked if she could help me.  I told her I was their to see my doctor.  She asked me if I had an appointment.  Yes I have an appointment I answered.  She asked me for me name and I told her.  She says I don’t see an appointment for you today.  I told her that’s because my appointment is on the 9th.  She asked me why I needed to speak with my doctor.  I let her know that it was an emergency.  She started to give me directions to the emergency room.  I interrupted her before she could say emergency room, and in a loud stern voice I said I need to see my doctor.  She and another guy stood up and told me told calm down.  I told them I would calm down as soon as my doctor comes out.  One of them made a moved towards me and I let them have it verbally, without threatening physical violence.  A lady that was at the far end of the desk, that was on the phone, stood up and asked me who my doctor was.  I answered and she hung up the phone.  She them asked me to step aside, told me that she heard about yesterday and was going to get someone to help me.  I haven’t been that willing to go to jail ever.  I took a chair while I waited a few minutes for a doctor to come out.  A female doctor came out and took me back to a room.  She asks me how I’m doing and I told her not very good.  She said she heard about what happened and was going to get me my medicine.  I asked her what the hell was going on and all she could tell me was I don’t know what happened.  I told her that my release papers told me to see this doctor 3-4 weeks after release for a follow up.  When I scheduled my appointent the other day it was 3-4 weeks away.  That means your office should have called me to make the appointment the same day I was released.  Her response was, “It’s our policy to connect with our patients before they are released for the hospital.”  I was in shock instantly when she said this.  I pushed a little further saying, “Ok, so that one slipped through the crack.  How come I never received a call from your office when my PCP put in an order/referral for the follow up from my two heart attacks.”  She turned to her computer to see if in fact a referral had been put in.  She turned back to me and all she could tell me was I don’t know what happened.  I told her, “My PCP says its your office’s job to write those prescriptions, I don’t have any refills, I am out of medicine and the god damn receptionists here are ok with sentencing me to death.  One of them even hung up on me.” All she could tell me was I don’t know what happened.  She had to do what ever, and I was about to collapse, so I took a chair.  She ordered the medicine for me to my pharmacy.  I left there knowing I could never set foot on the grounds of this hospital ever again.  This was very depressing for me.  I was born in this hospital and so was my son.  I headed straight to the pharmacy since I was 16 hours late for my last dosage.  When I got to the pharmacy the medicine wasn’t ready, so I moved from the drive thru to the parking lot.  Not a good spot to be parked in broad daylight with expired registration, but this was an emergency.  At about 3:15pm my counselor called so see how I was doing and I told him I was more worried about going to jail than killing my self tonight (I reminded him of the movie Falling Down).  
  • 2-15-2019 – Called Lawyer At about 4pm I called one of those lawyers that is on the TV, about negligence, malpractice issues and other big words. that I don’t know the true definition of.  In 45 years I have never had the need for a lawyer.  Less experience with them means less knowledge of their procedures, their terminology and their policies.  After the call I realized I was speaking with a call center employee and not someone that could help me.  He asked me some good questions to get a good rough just of the story.  He ended the call letting me know that he was going to get back to me before the end of the day.  I got a text from the pharmacy letting me know my medicine was ready so I picked it up and went home.
  • 2-16-2019 – Lost VehicleI don’t have enough fuel to get to my doctor’s appointment now at the end of the month.  It is literally one backfire away from falling into a million pieces and illegal to drive so I am hanging up my keys.  I can’t afford to fix it, license it or sell it.  Kelly BB on my truck is $300 so I’d rather keep it for a rain shelter.
  • 2-27-2019 – Missed Mental Health AppointmentAfter wasting fuel while scrambling to get my heart medication, I no longer had a way to get to my appointment so I had to cancel it.  
  • 2-28-2019 – Able to start eating – This is the day I was able to start eating again.  Well at least something other than crackers without getting sick.
  • 2-28-2019 – Lost Disability BenefitsNo more $97 a month to live on.  I can’t wait 4-6 weeks to get gas money, only to barely survive and live miserably.  This is not living in America.  I’m an inspiration for country songs, not a good thing.
  • 3-4-2019 – Called Walgreen’s for refillsEarly every month I pick up my mental health medicine.  I call a couple days before I run out to order my refills.
  • 3-5-2019 – Insurance Denies me MedicineI went in to pick up my medicine and was shorted one.  It was my favorite pharmacist so I couldn’t get mad at her.  I asked her what the hold up was and she told me that my insurance needed prior approval because the dose exceeds the recommended dose for someone over 17 years old.  I nearly bit my lip off when I heard this (This is a medication I have been taking on and off depending on whether I had insurance.  This is a medication that I have been taking for the last 1 1/2 years with my current insurance.  In that time my current insurance, the one denying me my medicine, filled this prescription 14 times prior.).  I thought I must be getting pranked or something.  The pharmacist told me that she sent off requests to get it done.
  • 3-5-2019 – Wrote MediaI made yet another attempt to contact the media.  I wanted them to report the news, but I am a nobody.  This was my 5th attempt to contact the media in the last 2 1/2 years, but no one will listen.  Nobody believes my story, yet I have records proving this is really happening in the state of Washington.  I’ve even sent letters to the governor.  Remember the school shooting where they marched for more gun control and mental health issues.  I’m someone that knows they need help, have been asking for help for years and still can’t get the mental health help I need.  How the hell is someone that doesn’t know how to ask for help going to get it before they are out of school.  I’m 2 1/2 years deep and the doctors still haven’t tested me to see what the hell is wrong. 
  • 3-7-2019 – Ran out of MedicineYesterday was my last dose of the medication needing prior approval.  I don’t get it.  My insurance and my doctors have approved this medicine 14 times prior in the last 1 1/2 years.  Haven’t herd anything from the pharmacy and don’t have transportation to pick them up.
  • 3-8-2019 – Planning my SurvivalIt is clear to me now.  I have 35 days of medication left for my heart.  I have no money, no transportation, no home, no way to support myself and no friends to ask for help.  I’ve decided to say to hell with everyone that thinks they are better than me.  I’m going to win by not letting everyone push me further down in to a life of existing instead of living.  I choose to live for the next 35-40 days instead of rotting.  To live comes with a price.  That price is jail time for trespassing if caught.  I feel like I am being forced to break the law.
  • 3-8-2019 – Cell Service EndedWithout my cash benefits I can’t pay my cell phone bill ($40/month).  That means after tonight nobody can call me and I can’t call me doctors.  This means I also lose my mobile data.  
  • 3-9-2019 – Missed Doctor AppointmentI knew I was going to miss this appointment.  I would like to make myself very clear.  I have no wish to harm anyone physically.  If you have thin skin and the truth hurts, then awesome.  I am not afraid of doctors or hospitals.  What I am afraid of is what I am going to do to the next person that says they can’t help me.
  • 3-13-2019 – Started writing this post
  • 3-15-2019Still out of Mental Health Medicine.  No way to pickup heart medication refills and I run out in 2 days. Still no decesion from the SSA.

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